Why was Jesus such a jerk?

He condoned the macre of Canaanites and Amalakites for pretty trivial reasons, and ordered his disciples to steal from them on several occasions. He was a douche to Mary whenever she appeared in the bible, and even withers a fig tree when it doesnt have any fruit for him. What an . Did he do these things because he loves us? Or because he was just another Palestinian loon?